The Unfortunate

By Andrew Danielsen

The man pulled. The man screamed. The man had “Wake Me Up Before You Go Go” stuck in his head, and this pissed him off more than the fact that he was about to lose his leg in a terrible way.

He was snapping his fingers, strolling along, doing his own boring thing, avoiding people as he usually does, when out of nowhere a louder snap cracked, then another. The first was the sound of the train tracks switching for an oncoming freighter. The other was the breaking of his ankle. He’d never felt this amount of pain.

“I’ve never felt this amount of pain!” 

Shut up, you. I got this..

Ten minutes had past since the unfortunate event, and after all of the screams and wails sounding much like Free Willy’s cries for mommy, he finally caught the attention of a couple kids walking a ways down the tracks. It was late at night so he couldn’t see who they were, but when the moonlight permitted so, he was disappointed to find out that they both had both their mouths and eyes sewn shut. Of course, just his luck.

He threw rocks at them, hitting each of them in their tightly sewn faces until they shot off into the sky like red rocket red rocket, and he proceeded to wail.

A few minutes later the man saw two police officers approaching and for the first time ever, he was happy to see them.

“Officers!” He yelped. Someone had obviously heard his cries and called the police.

“I’m in agony and I need help! Please stop all oncoming trains!”

The officers caught up to the man and stared in confusion saying not a word. This made the man irate.

“PLEASE! I don’t want to lose my leg!” He cried.

One of the officers whispered into his walkie then lit a cigarette. The other continued to stare, then grin, then back to staring. The man was so furious at this point and began to throw anything in his reach at them. First rocks, then a railroad spike, then a beer bottle. Just then the man heard the first signs of the train which was coming to collect his limb.

The men started jogging away to avoid the debris and have a little chat.

“So Mary left me for that professor with one arm, Billy Haiku.”

“Ouch.” Said the other in reply,

“Yeah, no bueno.”

“You gonna shoot her?”

“Yeah, probably.”

The train was now in sight, and the man became hysterical as Wham’s curse began again. He gave up on getting attention, knowing that everyone was against him and wanted to see the show.

ROOOOOAAAAARRRR! The train was about a hundred feet away and the man lied back knowing his fate.

The man screamed his final words. “OH…….MY!!!!!!”

By the time he got to God, the man passed out providing a loud exhale. He was then removed from the abandoned railroad tracks and taken to jail.

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BIO:Andrew Danielsen is a guy, who's just a guy. No one out the ordinary. He likes to travel around with a backpack, make people feel uncomfortable for kicks, drinks bourbon religiously and is going to school to be a mortician.